5/19/09
No One Calls Me Back #2
I really hate Myspace. I hate the top friends bs, the spam profiles that keep sending me friend requests, the long searches for people I probably shouldn't be talking to anyway, and most of all, the hours I've wasted doing nothing. I guess you could say I'm "socializing", but my gut tells me a computer isn't real socialization, just like text messages aren't the same as talking. It's the easy way out, and somehow I'm wasting more time doing it the easy way, which makes NO sense. With all the time I've wasted on Myspace I could have built an underground lair, complete with torches and mazes and all the other mainstays a cool lair has (and I could never hate something that kick ass). Even so, I won't be deleting my profile anytime soon, like a nicotine habit that's hard to kick. I'll tell myself it's gone by tomorrow, and enjoy my last long drag- I want to change my default pic and holla at some girls one more time. If they holla back, maybe I'll buy one more pack.
5/14/09
Five Good Beers
Do you ever sit around and think about beer? I do. Here's some of my favorites:
Boddington's
Blue Moon
Fat Tire
Negra Modelo
New Castle
Anything I should try?
Boddington's
Blue Moon
Fat Tire
Negra Modelo
New Castle
Anything I should try?
4/20/09
My Lunch
I've made a point of staying away from writing about everyday stuff, like what I eat for lunch or how I hate LA traffic. I don't particurlarly like those types of blogs, so why write one? Tonight, though, I have only random, everyday things on my mind, so I figured I'd give the "typical" a shot. Here's what I've been up to since my last post.
-A few weeks ago I spent a long weekend at a ridiculous beach house in Malibu. The house was so close to the water I could fish from the deck (i.e. she only want me for my pimp juice). I had an amazing time. Too good, actually. I was depressed for a week after leaving. There's something about a nice vacation that completely messes up my equilibrium. When it's all over, all said and done, I convince myself I still deserve to be there. So when I get home and receive a call about a broken toilet, I typically want to rip someone's head off. Needless to say, I didn't answer the phone much those days.
-I have a couple of writing gigs that are currently in limbo (i.e. awaiting decisions from the big wigs). One is a feature length comedy involving belly dancers. It would be low budget (five million-ish), but a great first credit. I pitched my idea on Friday, and had a lengthy discussion with the executive producer afterwards, which is a good sign. The other gig is for a friend's show that's developing at HBO. If the show is greenlit I'll be on board as a staff writer, which would be an amazing opportunity. I'm excited about both, and should learn my fate fairly soon. If you pray, pray for me.
-And most importantly, I became an uncle on Saturday morning. Her name is Elizabeth, and I'll be flying to Virginia Tuesday to meet her. I'm a big fan of babies, so I'm pumped. I'll be there for a week, chilling with the fam. It's been five years since I've been back home to Stafford. Every year that's passed the place has become less real in my mind, like a dream world. In a few days I'll be there, staring it dead in the face. I might just freak out and have a seizure. Part of me hopes the trip goes horribly, so I can leave with a clear concsience. I have a feeling Elizabeth will make it tough on me. Here's to another week of ignored phone calls.
-Oh, and I had pizza for lunch. And a smoothie. I splurge on Sundays.
Until I return from VA, PEACE!
Crum
-A few weeks ago I spent a long weekend at a ridiculous beach house in Malibu. The house was so close to the water I could fish from the deck (i.e. she only want me for my pimp juice). I had an amazing time. Too good, actually. I was depressed for a week after leaving. There's something about a nice vacation that completely messes up my equilibrium. When it's all over, all said and done, I convince myself I still deserve to be there. So when I get home and receive a call about a broken toilet, I typically want to rip someone's head off. Needless to say, I didn't answer the phone much those days.
-I have a couple of writing gigs that are currently in limbo (i.e. awaiting decisions from the big wigs). One is a feature length comedy involving belly dancers. It would be low budget (five million-ish), but a great first credit. I pitched my idea on Friday, and had a lengthy discussion with the executive producer afterwards, which is a good sign. The other gig is for a friend's show that's developing at HBO. If the show is greenlit I'll be on board as a staff writer, which would be an amazing opportunity. I'm excited about both, and should learn my fate fairly soon. If you pray, pray for me.
-And most importantly, I became an uncle on Saturday morning. Her name is Elizabeth, and I'll be flying to Virginia Tuesday to meet her. I'm a big fan of babies, so I'm pumped. I'll be there for a week, chilling with the fam. It's been five years since I've been back home to Stafford. Every year that's passed the place has become less real in my mind, like a dream world. In a few days I'll be there, staring it dead in the face. I might just freak out and have a seizure. Part of me hopes the trip goes horribly, so I can leave with a clear concsience. I have a feeling Elizabeth will make it tough on me. Here's to another week of ignored phone calls.
-Oh, and I had pizza for lunch. And a smoothie. I splurge on Sundays.
Until I return from VA, PEACE!
Crum
3/15/09
K@L Coming Soon
Me and film school buddy Andy Makishima have been working on a comedy web show of late, and recently finished shooting the first two episodes. The show's called "Krum@Large!" (or "Krum At Large!" for those who are mildly retarded), and we're planning on sharing them sometime in the next few weeks. I'm not only the co-creator of the show, but lead actor as well. The world will finally view- in awe- my all-encompassing acting talents. By next year I'll be spitting on Leo Dicaprio and he'll like it.
Here's a teaser pic, like a weird Sasquatch sighting:
Yes, that's a tomahawk.
Here's a teaser pic, like a weird Sasquatch sighting:
Yes, that's a tomahawk.
3/7/09
Hook
A few nights ago I dived into the treasure chest that is my collection of VHS tapes and pulled out Hook, the 1991 Spielberg film starring Robin Williams and Dustin Hoffman. I spent the evening in the company of Captain Hook, the Lost Boys, a middle-aged Peter Pan. I love this movie. When I was 9 years old I wasted an entire summer watching it. Everyday at lunch time, while enjoying tasty tuna sandwiches and kool-aid, I dived into a magical world that I wanted so badly to be apart of. I wanted to crow, fight, fly, and play games with hot little fairies. Who wouldn't, right? To this day, 17 or so years later, I can still quote the film line for line, and regularly work the juiciest nuggets into everyday conversation. My favorite line plays out something like this:
Acquaintance: I just want to get away, go on vacation...go on a little adventure. I think I need it.
Me: Death is the only adventure you have left.
No one ever seems to know why I would say such a thing, which baffles me. If you were a kid back in 91', how do you not remember Hook? I take offense when someone my age doesn't understand, so much so that I refuse to tell them where it's from if they don't. It's one of my many tests. If you don't know this movie, I'm not sure we can be friends. The real problem is, which I've contemplated often, is if you're not imagining Dustin Hoffman in a long, curly wig when I say this line, you might just jump off a ledge upon hearing it. But ah well, I enjoy saying it, so I'm going to keep saying it. If they jump, they jump.
Anyways...
One thing that's remained the same since I was a child is my desire to be a Lost Boy, and I hope that never changes. I hope I'm always that nine year-old kid, who for every day one summer fought Captain Hook with nothing more than than pudding sprayers, marble guns, and some fat kid who rolled down stairs. I hope I'm always young at heart. After returning from my two hours in Neverland that night, I was up until four in the morning thinking about it, truly inspired. Lately I've been trying to pin down ideas for my next screenplay, and trying to decide what type of film I should write. After re-watching Hook I now know, whatever the idea is, I need to create a world with the same magic as Neverland. I want to write something that makes me feel as giddy and adventurous as Hook does; something that's a monument to my still present child-like wonder.
Let the brainstorming begin...
Acquaintance: I just want to get away, go on vacation...go on a little adventure. I think I need it.
Me: Death is the only adventure you have left.
No one ever seems to know why I would say such a thing, which baffles me. If you were a kid back in 91', how do you not remember Hook? I take offense when someone my age doesn't understand, so much so that I refuse to tell them where it's from if they don't. It's one of my many tests. If you don't know this movie, I'm not sure we can be friends. The real problem is, which I've contemplated often, is if you're not imagining Dustin Hoffman in a long, curly wig when I say this line, you might just jump off a ledge upon hearing it. But ah well, I enjoy saying it, so I'm going to keep saying it. If they jump, they jump.
Anyways...
One thing that's remained the same since I was a child is my desire to be a Lost Boy, and I hope that never changes. I hope I'm always that nine year-old kid, who for every day one summer fought Captain Hook with nothing more than than pudding sprayers, marble guns, and some fat kid who rolled down stairs. I hope I'm always young at heart. After returning from my two hours in Neverland that night, I was up until four in the morning thinking about it, truly inspired. Lately I've been trying to pin down ideas for my next screenplay, and trying to decide what type of film I should write. After re-watching Hook I now know, whatever the idea is, I need to create a world with the same magic as Neverland. I want to write something that makes me feel as giddy and adventurous as Hook does; something that's a monument to my still present child-like wonder.
Let the brainstorming begin...
2/27/09
Book of Dreams: Champion Couch Kickers
Recently I went to an exhibit at the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences called Fellini's Book of Dreams. If you don't know, Federico Fellini was an Italian film director who's films were filled with dreamlike imagery. His film 8 1/2, from 1963, is one of my all-time favorites. Anyway, Fellini used to write down his dreams every morning, compete with drawings and speech balloons. Most of them involved mammoth-sized breasts, which was a bit repetitive, but still fascinating.
Since the exhibit I've felt inspired to keep a dream journal like Fellini, as I've always found the subconcious dreamworld infinitely more interesting then reality. So from now on I'll be posting my dreams, the interesting ones at least (I've posted a dream once before, called Cheetara and Our Baby).
Before I post a new dream I want to share one from January 27th, 2002. I was flipping through an old journal tonight and happened to come across it. So you know:
- This was during my first year of community college in Virginia.
- RJ, Savanah, and Demetrius were friends of mine in high school.
- Buster was my brother's dog.
This is exactly how I wrote it seven years ago:
"Last night I dreamed about a Japanese game of some sort. At first it was me, RJ, Savanah, and a few other people. We were just talking in a room when me and RJ start doin kung fu on each other laughing. Then this Japanese guy showed me how to kick people off a couch. What he was showing me was an actual sport, and he started training me to do it. It was funny because he could barely speak English, so I struggled to understand him. So eventually we start a season of kicking people off couches, and we go up against other teams, our rivals. We win at the end of the season, which meant we got to release a turtle in the ocean. We go to a beach where there's some sort of turtle graveyard that's full of orange shells. The orange turtle shells surrounded me and my trainer. Why would we release this turtle where the other turtles died from predators? I have no idea. Well then Buster came floating along in the ocean, and I had to go out and help him get air because he wasn't getting any under water. Then we had an end of the season speech and Demetrius came by and started talking. I kept interrupting him, which was hilarious, and then we all looked out a window that appeared out of nowhere and saw a guy playing baseball."
There's no breasts, I know. Unfortunately, even nowadays, my dreams typically involve adolescent games more so than the female anatomy. It's a problem, and I'm working on it. I just want Fellini to be proud.
Since the exhibit I've felt inspired to keep a dream journal like Fellini, as I've always found the subconcious dreamworld infinitely more interesting then reality. So from now on I'll be posting my dreams, the interesting ones at least (I've posted a dream once before, called Cheetara and Our Baby).
Before I post a new dream I want to share one from January 27th, 2002. I was flipping through an old journal tonight and happened to come across it. So you know:
- This was during my first year of community college in Virginia.
- RJ, Savanah, and Demetrius were friends of mine in high school.
- Buster was my brother's dog.
This is exactly how I wrote it seven years ago:
"Last night I dreamed about a Japanese game of some sort. At first it was me, RJ, Savanah, and a few other people. We were just talking in a room when me and RJ start doin kung fu on each other laughing. Then this Japanese guy showed me how to kick people off a couch. What he was showing me was an actual sport, and he started training me to do it. It was funny because he could barely speak English, so I struggled to understand him. So eventually we start a season of kicking people off couches, and we go up against other teams, our rivals. We win at the end of the season, which meant we got to release a turtle in the ocean. We go to a beach where there's some sort of turtle graveyard that's full of orange shells. The orange turtle shells surrounded me and my trainer. Why would we release this turtle where the other turtles died from predators? I have no idea. Well then Buster came floating along in the ocean, and I had to go out and help him get air because he wasn't getting any under water. Then we had an end of the season speech and Demetrius came by and started talking. I kept interrupting him, which was hilarious, and then we all looked out a window that appeared out of nowhere and saw a guy playing baseball."
There's no breasts, I know. Unfortunately, even nowadays, my dreams typically involve adolescent games more so than the female anatomy. It's a problem, and I'm working on it. I just want Fellini to be proud.
2/11/09
25 Random Things About Me
I was extremely reluctant to give in to this '25 Things' craze, but I couldn't help but think what my random things would be. I wondered so much, actually, that a week ago I went ahead and wrote them out, all the while promising myself I'd never show them. Now I need a new blog topic, but I don't feel like writing anything new. Eventually laziness trumps morals. Here they are:
1. I hate hardwood floors because I can’t comfortably roll around on them. I like rolling in the floor.
2. If I was alive pre-Columbus sailing the ocean blue, and I could choose to be any race I wanted, I’d choose to be Native American. Loincloths are amazing.
3. I hate technology but am addicted to it.
4. I hope that one day I become so filthy rich that I forget who I am.
5. In actuality, I’m scared #4 could happen, and sometimes wish to remain poor.
6. I once needed a black actor for a movie but couldn’t find one. I decided to cover myself in mud and play the role myself.
7. I want to meet Rachel McAdams so we can reenact all the scenes from the Notebook. I hate you Ryan Gosling.
8. I'm an explorer at heart, in a world where every land has been explored. This depresses me.
9. In middle school, me and my best friend would toss around a rusted circular saw blade that we found in the woods. Eventually it ended up STUCK IN MY LEG.
10. I grew my hair long so I would look more like a writer and less like a frat boy. It didn’t work- now people think I’m an actor. I'm not sure if that's better or worse.
11. I love God but don’t fully understand who he is.
12. I’ve secretly wanted to fight someone- anyone- for quite some time, to see how I’d react in battle. So far no one has started an altercation with me, and I can’t bring myself to start one either. Someone punch me, please.
13. I have many nicknames by various people, some good and some bad. They are: J, JC, Just, Juson, Crumzo, Crumster, Papa Crum, Crumasauras Rex, Crum Dizzle, Crizzle, Forest Crump, Donald Crumsfeld, Crumdoleeza Rice, J. Crump, and last but not least Crumpelstiltskin.
14. I saw my first vagina at 4 years old on a playground, behind the jungle gym. Me and my friends gathered around a circle and showed each other what we were working with. I thought it looked like two balls without a penis. It was confusing.
15. I hate roaches, and sometimes have nightmares about giant ones attacking me.
16. I ran around the house naked until I was 10 years old, until my Dad finally explained why it was weird.
17. I don’t care for my first name, mainly because it’s so common, but also because it reminds people of *NSYNC.
18. I compulsively checked my height in high school because I was worried I wouldn’t grow.
19. One time when I was little my dad brought me to his office for "take your daughter to work day." I haven't been the same since.
20. After #19, I begged for an easy bake oven and a toy kitchen set. The other daughters taught me the joys of baking corn bread with a light bulb and grilling plastic hamburgers. If that's gay, then count me in.
21. The worse drug I’ve done is air duster in high school. It gives you a deep voice, which made me laugh.
22. Three years after graduating from college, I still haven’t picked up my diploma.
23. I once had a job as a Kirby Vacuum salesman, in which I went door to door pitching an $1800 cleaning tool.
24. My parents taught me about sex with the help of a book from a Christian bookstore, in which an illustrated Jesus tells you why boys and girls are different, and how you're supposed to be married before you explore those differences. It never actually mentioned HOW people have sex. I had to learn the normal way, by watching my brother's porn.
25. When I was a baby I fell down the steps and fractured my skull. This may explain a few things.
1. I hate hardwood floors because I can’t comfortably roll around on them. I like rolling in the floor.
2. If I was alive pre-Columbus sailing the ocean blue, and I could choose to be any race I wanted, I’d choose to be Native American. Loincloths are amazing.
3. I hate technology but am addicted to it.
4. I hope that one day I become so filthy rich that I forget who I am.
5. In actuality, I’m scared #4 could happen, and sometimes wish to remain poor.
6. I once needed a black actor for a movie but couldn’t find one. I decided to cover myself in mud and play the role myself.
7. I want to meet Rachel McAdams so we can reenact all the scenes from the Notebook. I hate you Ryan Gosling.
8. I'm an explorer at heart, in a world where every land has been explored. This depresses me.
9. In middle school, me and my best friend would toss around a rusted circular saw blade that we found in the woods. Eventually it ended up STUCK IN MY LEG.
10. I grew my hair long so I would look more like a writer and less like a frat boy. It didn’t work- now people think I’m an actor. I'm not sure if that's better or worse.
11. I love God but don’t fully understand who he is.
12. I’ve secretly wanted to fight someone- anyone- for quite some time, to see how I’d react in battle. So far no one has started an altercation with me, and I can’t bring myself to start one either. Someone punch me, please.
13. I have many nicknames by various people, some good and some bad. They are: J, JC, Just, Juson, Crumzo, Crumster, Papa Crum, Crumasauras Rex, Crum Dizzle, Crizzle, Forest Crump, Donald Crumsfeld, Crumdoleeza Rice, J. Crump, and last but not least Crumpelstiltskin.
14. I saw my first vagina at 4 years old on a playground, behind the jungle gym. Me and my friends gathered around a circle and showed each other what we were working with. I thought it looked like two balls without a penis. It was confusing.
15. I hate roaches, and sometimes have nightmares about giant ones attacking me.
16. I ran around the house naked until I was 10 years old, until my Dad finally explained why it was weird.
17. I don’t care for my first name, mainly because it’s so common, but also because it reminds people of *NSYNC.
18. I compulsively checked my height in high school because I was worried I wouldn’t grow.
19. One time when I was little my dad brought me to his office for "take your daughter to work day." I haven't been the same since.
20. After #19, I begged for an easy bake oven and a toy kitchen set. The other daughters taught me the joys of baking corn bread with a light bulb and grilling plastic hamburgers. If that's gay, then count me in.
21. The worse drug I’ve done is air duster in high school. It gives you a deep voice, which made me laugh.
22. Three years after graduating from college, I still haven’t picked up my diploma.
23. I once had a job as a Kirby Vacuum salesman, in which I went door to door pitching an $1800 cleaning tool.
24. My parents taught me about sex with the help of a book from a Christian bookstore, in which an illustrated Jesus tells you why boys and girls are different, and how you're supposed to be married before you explore those differences. It never actually mentioned HOW people have sex. I had to learn the normal way, by watching my brother's porn.
25. When I was a baby I fell down the steps and fractured my skull. This may explain a few things.
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